Sons and Lovers - Chapter 10
Anak dan Kekasih - Bab 10
As Paul grew older, his relationship with his mother became more complicated. Gertrude had given all her love to her sons, and she expected their love and attention in return.
Saat Paul tumbuh dewasa, hubungannya dengan ibunya menjadi lebih kompleks. Gertrude telah memberikan semua cintanya kepada anak-anaknya, dan dia mengharapkan cinta dan perhatian mereka sebagai balasan.
With William gone, Paul became the focus of all her hopes and dreams. She watched his every move, commented on everything he did, and seemed unable to let him make his own decisions.
Dengan kepergian William, Paul menjadi pusat dari semua harapan dan mimpinya. Dia memperhatikan setiap gerakannya, mengomentari semua yang dia lakukan, dan sepertinya tidak bisa membiarkannya membuat keputusan sendiri.
"You should not spend so much time with Clara," she would say. "She is a married woman. It is not proper."
"Kamu tidak seharusnya menghabiskan begitu banyak waktu dengan Clara," katanya padanya. "Dia wanita yang sudah menikah. Itu tidak pantas."
Or, "Miriam is too serious for you. She will make your life sad."
Atau, "Miriam terlalu serius untukmu. Dia akan membuat hidupmu membosankan."
Paul felt trapped. He loved his mother, but her constant interference was suffocating.
Paul merasa terjebak. Dia mencintai ibunya, tetapi campur tangannya yang terus-menerus mencekik.
"Mother, I must live my own life," he said to her one day, trying to be gentle.
"Bu, aku harus menjalani hidupku sendiri," katanya padanya suatu hari, mencoba bersikap lembut.
Gertrude looked at him, hurt in her eyes. "I only want what is best for you, Paul. I only want you to be happy."
Gertrude menatapnya dengan rasa sakit di matanya. "Aku hanya menginginkan yang terbaik untukmu, Paul. Aku hanya ingin kamu bahagia."
But Paul wondered if she really knew what was best for him. She wanted him to be a gentleman, an artist, a successful man. She didn't know that he was struggling with his identity, with his desires, with the person he was becoming.
Tetapi Paul bertanya-tanya apakah dia benar-benar tahu apa yang terbaik untuknya. Dia ingin dia menjadi seorang pria terhormat, seorang seniman, seorang pria sukses. Dia tidak tahu bahwa dia sedang berjuang dengan identitasnya, dengan keinginannya, dengan orang yang dia inginkan.
Walter, watching all this from the background, said little. He had learned long ago that it was no use to argue with Gertrude. She was a force that could not be stopped.
Walter, yang mengamati semua ini dari jauh, berbicara sangat sedikit. Dia sudah lama belajar bahwa berdebat dengan Gertrude tidak ada gunanya. Dia adalah kekuatan yang tak terbendung.
But he felt sympathy for his son. He saw the way Paul was pulled in different directions, the confusion in the young man's eyes.
Tetapi dia merasa kasihan pada putranya. Dia melihat Paul ditarik ke arah yang berbeda, kebingungan di mata pemuda itu.
"Let the boy be," Walter thought to himself. "Let him make his own mistakes."
"Biarkan anak itu sendiri," kata Walter pada dirinya sendiri. "Biarkan dia membuat kesalahannya sendiri."
The tension in the house grew. Gertrude's love for her son had become a burden, a heavy weight that Paul carried with him everywhere.
Ketegangan di rumah meningkat. Cinta Gertrude pada putranya telah menjadi beban, beban berat yang dibawa Paul ke mana-mana.
He started spending more time away from home, looking for excuses to be elsewhere—working late, going for long walks, anything to escape the pressure of his mother's expectations.
Dia mulai menghabiskan lebih banyak waktu jauh dari rumah, mencari alasan untuk berada di tempat lain — bekerja lembur, berjalan-jalan jauh, apa saja untuk melarikan diri dari tekanan harapan ibunya.