Sons and Lovers - Chapter 2
Anak dan Kekasih - Bab 2
As Paul grew older, his connection with his mother became stronger. Gertrude saw in Paul a reflection of her own disappointed hopes. She had wanted to be an educated woman, to have intellectual interests, but her marriage had taken her away from all that.
Saat Paul tumbuh dewasa, ikatannya dengan ibunya semakin dalam. Gertrude mengandalkannya untuk persahabatan dan dukungan emosional, memperlakukannya lebih sebagai pasangan daripada sebagai anak.
Now she lived through Paul. She encouraged his drawing, his love of nature, his sensitive understanding of the world. In return, Paul loved his mother with a deep and almost romantic intensity.
Paul bangga dengan kepercayaan ibunya, tetapi itu juga merupakan beban bagi seorang anak laki-laki. Dia merasakan kesedihan dan frustrasinya, dan dia ingin membuatnya bahagia.
"Mother is the only one who understands me," Paul thought.
"Aku akan menjagamu, Bu," katanya padanya. "Ketika aku besar nanti, aku akan membawamu pergi dari sini."
But this intense relationship began to worry Gertrude. She knew it was not healthy for a son to be so dependent on his mother. She tried to push him away, to make him more independent.
Gertrude tersenyum, tetapi itu adalah senyum sedih. Dia tahu dunia tidak sesederhana itu.
"You must make friends," she told him. "You must spend time with people your own age."
Walter, melihat hubungan dekat antara istri dan putranya, merasa tersisih. Dia mencoba untuk terhubung dengan Paul, tetapi metode kasarnya hanya mendorong anak itu menjauh.
Paul tried, but he never felt comfortable with others. He always returned to his mother, seeking the understanding and comfort he could not find anywhere else.
"Ikutlah denganku, nak," kata Walter suatu hari. "Aku akan menunjukkan cara kerjanya."
Meanwhile, William, the older brother, was different. He was outgoing and confident, popular at school. He seemed to have escaped the pull of his mother's intense love.
Tetapi Paul tidak mau pergi. Dia takut pada dunia tambang yang gelap dan kotor, dunia milik ayahnya.
Gertrude was proud of William's success, but she also felt a strange sadness when he left home to work in London. Her house would be empty without him.
"Biarkan anak itu sendiri, Walter," kata Gertrude tajam. "Dia tidak cukup kuat untuk pekerjaan itu."
Paul watched his brother leave with mixed feelings. He admired William's independence, but he also resented how easily William could escape their mother's influence.
Walter berbalik dengan marah. "Kamu membuatnya lemah," gumamnya. "Kamu mengubahnya menjadi anak perempuan."
"I will never be free," Paul thought. "I will always be tied to Mother."
Paul mendengar kata-kata ini dan itu menyakitinya. Dia tidak ingin menjadi anak perempuan, tetapi dia juga tidak ingin menjadi seperti ayahnya. Dia ingin menjadi seperti ibunya — halus, berpendidikan, berbeda.
And so the years passed, with Paul growing ever closer to his mother, while his father became more and more a stranger in their own home.
Konflik ini mencabik-cabik Paul menjadi dua. Dia mencintai ayahnya, terlepas dari kekurangannya, tetapi dia lebih mencintai ibunya. Dia melihat dunia melalui matanya, menilai orang berdasarkan standarnya.
Dan begitulah tahun-tahun berlalu, dengan Paul menjadi semakin dekat dengan ibunya, sementara ayahnya menjadi semakin asing di rumahnya sendiri.